Story: Bobby “The Dogg” Miller / Photos: Bailey Masters
You’re damn right I did! The Delaware Water Gap is home to some of the best waterfalls in the Mid-Atlantic and is always an exciting destination to visit. The Water Gap gained popularity around the turn of the century when Hornbecks and Raymondskill Creeks were featured in the highly acclaimed, Oscar award winning film Sucker Punch (which happened to feature The Dogg). In recent times, the Demshitz crew have become the kings of the Water Gap, logging tons of runs down these creeks and pushing the limits on drops thought unrunable years ago. However, not all of the creeks have friendly access isssues and some of the newer creek runs have taken on a cloak and dagger characteristic, requiring stealth entry to avoid problems. On the record, these creeks don’t exist. Off the record, these creeks are an invaluable part of one of the best creeking areas in the country. If you’ve never run a creek in the Water Gap, well reader, you’re letting the best in life pass you by.
My step son, Bailey, and I met up with Jeff Ackerman early in the morning and headed out in search for drops to run. The water levels were very low but we decided we would drive around looking for anything with enough water to float a boat. Some of the larger streams were still holding water so we were assured of getting some paddling in. I was willing to bet dollars to donuts that we would find something SIK to paddle! What? Who has ever used a donut as a gambling chip? The first creek we dropped by was one of the Code Reds and the park n huck falls we scouted had a nice flow. We were contemplating a run when we saw the caretaker come into view and decided to bail for another attempt later in the day. The next destination was Shohola Creek, site of a large cascade and a deep gorge with multiple Class 3-4 drops. After a quick scout, Jeff and I suited up while Bailey hike along to take pictures. The run starts with a 15 foot dam that sends you deep. Right after, we were on the approach slide to Shohola Falls, a 25-30 foot cascade. We headed down the left, staying in the flow and sliding smoothly into the pool at the bottom. As we headed downstream, we spotted the elusive scary monster of the area, Snake Animal! He happened to be crouched down in the creek along the left bank right below the falls. Luckily, Jeff and I were able to sneak by without getting eaten. We had a fun time boofing our way through the gorge that we decided to take a second lap, which was quite a risk considering the presence of Snake Animal! The second run went without incident and we decided that it wouldn’t be wise to tempt fate again. We had made it by Snake Animal twice but there was no telling when he would awaken from his slumber and strike! Besides, we had high hopes for other drops.
We stopped by a few other runs and drops but everything was just too low. I scouted one particular seal launch to 60 foot cascade and debated it for a long time before deciding that it needed more water in spite of my wishes. We decided that we should head over and check one last run. By hook or by crook I was going to find some drops to run! This particular creek happens to be the most secret creek of the whole Water Gap, so secret that we doctored the log books at Gitmo to change the name of the creek. It is now known as Hood Run. When we arrived at Hood Run, we were shocked to find a runable flow and, not wanting to look a gift horse in the mouth, we decided to take advantage. I was as keen as mustard to be getting on a new run! Huh? That makes no sense! Mustard has no feelings! We suited up and began our secret mission. You want to know where this creek is? Son, the location of this creek has to be guarded. Who’s gonna do it? You? I have a greater responsibility than you can possibly fathom.
We parked outside the barracks and snuck in under the fence line. Any capture could result in being sent to the marine base in Quantico, where we would be subject to severe waterboarding torture or getting hung from a yardarm! This was no time to lollygag! What? Who is Lolly and why would anyone want to gag her? Luckily, the lieutenant was arguing with his lance corporal over an illegal fence line shooting the week prior and this allowed us to sneak by unnoticed!
I know what you are thinking. This is too big of a risk! It is one thing to run scary drops but sneaking into a run that requires trespassing is crossing the line. It may sound wrong but let’s face the facts. Deep down in places you don’t talk about at parties, you want me on that creek, you need me on that creek! I would rather you said thank you for the story and went on your way. Otherwise, I suggest you pick up a creek boat and come get SIK!
The first drop was a cool 8-10 foot drop that could be run on the left or the right. Jeff opted for the left and I fired up the right, both of us dropping cleanly toward the middle. Immediately after running the drop there was a tight 4-5 foot boof off a fang rock next to an undercut. I came through airing out a big boof. Soon we were out scouting a 15 foot cascade into a narrow area. We bounced down this drop with no problems, this time Jeff preferring to run right over some some ledges while I ran left off a big launch, clearing all the shelves.
Soon, we were out scouting as the creek fell off the face of the Earth into a committing gorge. A dish fit for the gods! A1 at Lloyd’s! What does that mean?! It was the most pleasant surprise I’ve had since the time I hooked up with that girl in a wheelchair! The first rapid in the gorge was Corner Pocket, a narrow 15 foot falls into a tight pocket with a 10 foot cascade immediately below. The water in the leadin to the upper falls was shallow so we couldn’t get a good boof. Both Jeff and I went deep into the corner pocket but emerged unscathed, riding out the bottom cascade into a nice boof. After a short pool, the creek constricted and fell over a 30 foot cascade. The water in the pool slams fiercely into a dugout cliff that could trap an out of control paddler and cause all sorts of problems. The outflow escapes to the left where the gorge ends with a 5 foot boof with an undercut to avoid on the right. Anyone wanting to attempt this section would be putting their life in danger. Grave danger? Is there any other kind? I have no problem rolling the dice and taking my chances. I eat breakfast 300 yards from four thousand Cubans trained to kill me so don’t think that this creek can flash a few huge drops and make me nervous. I flew through the approach, boofing off a pillow near the top then riding the cascade to the big boof ramp at the bottom. I skied a huge launch landing flat in the pool below. KAPOOYA! Them junk was big! Like meow mix tender centers, it was like two textures and flavors in perfect harmony! Wait! Come back! Don’t put down the article! I promise I won’t say anything that cheesy again!
The creek calms down afterward as we floated through a construction area, being careful not to be spotted. We told Bailey that if anyone approached him that he was to play dumb and tell them he was taking pictures of the creek for his highschool photography class project. We figured if he tried a little misdirection and used official sounding words, he would be able to distract them from the fact that he was trespassing. Luckily, everyone had packed up for the day and he walked through unnoticed.
Soon, there was another horizon line for a nice 10 footer. We scouted and saw a narrow line on the left between a thin flow and a rock pile. Jeff ran where you needed to go and had a nice boof. I ended up further left where there was more flow but I blew my boof and fell on my side into the rock pile. It certainly was an embarrassing line for a boater of my stature and the picture definitely tells the whole story. However, I didn’t think it made me look too bad until I posted it on Twitter and some punk labeled it as hash tag beater.
We got out soon after this drop and made a stealth hike through the woods out to the safety of Jeff’s truck. What a great creek! I hadn’t felt this liberated since the time I cut that mole off my neck with a pair of fingernail clippers! I was stoked to get a new run and another feather in my cap! What? I don’t ever wear a hat! Normally, to celebrate an occasion such as this, a night of drunken debauchery would be in order but, since Bailey is only a teenager, we settled for a round of Mountain Dew. Don’t worry, reader, we still went out for karaoke, where Bailey delivered a dynamite performance of Call Me Maybe. But that is another story.
So, what is the real name of this creek, you ask? You want answers? You want the truth? You can’t handle the truth!
