Colorado Huckfest 2015
Words by: Bobby “The Dogg” Miller, Photos by: Bryon Dorr (unless noted)
Summer was beginning and there was plenty of snow-melt happening in the Rocky Mountains of Colorado. I knew I had to get there, since I missed last year’s incredible melt, I vowed never to let that happen again! I took extreme measures to make sure that financial reasons would not hold me back from getting to the west. At Thanksgiving, I went out for the Black Friday rush. I intentionally laid down on the ground so I could get trampled, and then sued the store for my injuries. I received a broken wrist, a concussion, an injured back, and a dislocated hip and it took over 6 months to get back to full strength. However, the money I collected from the lawsuit will allow me to not have to work for awhile. Oh yeah! I’m talking 6 figures in my Bank of America account! Luckily, I healed up about a month before I was planning to leave for the trip, which allowed me to get back into paddling form. After all, when paddling Class 5 it is important to keep your skills sharp, like a sword against the whetstone!
I had been to Colorado for kayaking 3 times before, but it had been 9 years since my last trip, so my stoke was high. Even though I had already run most of the hard whitewater in the state, I was still excited to revisit a lot of the old classics. After all, no man ever steps onto the same river twice, for it is not the same river and he is not the same man! What? Who says stuff like that! Joining me on the drive out were my stepson, Bailey Masters, and Robert Waldron. We made the journey non-stop from West Virginia in around 27 hours, switchin’ 4 lanes with the top down screamin’ out, “Money aint a thang!” We were ready to paddle so we met my friend, Scott Meininger, at the Arkansas River, which happened to be at a 25 year high water mark of 5,000 cfs! The Numbers section is normally a fun advanced level run but the high flows brought exploding waves and gigantic holes that got our attention. We started out with Pine Creek Rapid, the biggest rapid of the day, which was crashing through a chaotic maelstrom that, at first glance, looked like it wouldn’t let anything through in one piece! It was cray like a fish fillet! I was nervous looking at the rapid, but after an intense scout, Robert and I decided we were going to run it. Even though the waves were huge, there were only one or two major holes to deal with. I got my paddle ready by putting a little extra wax on the shaft to sure up my grip, much like a quarterback deflating a football to give himself a little extra advantage! We entered the current and quickly accelerated down through the series of breaking waves that led to the crux of the rapid. There was a huge diagonal breaker that fed to the right into a huge hole. Robert punched through the wave and missed the hole but I got pushed toward the right and had no choice but to paddle hard and hope for the best. I went deep into the hole and came rocketing back to the surface in a backender like a squirrel in a sling shot! Robert and I continued through the remainder of the rapid and met Bailey where things calmed down at the Numbers putin. The Numbers section treated us to miles of big water with some huge waves and an occasional huge hole that would pop up like a bad zit before a first date. The waves were perfect for trying downriver freestyle moves and Robert hit kick flip after kick flip as we rocketed along. As the miles went by, the intensity of the run abated, but we still had plenty of rapids to carry us for the entirety of our 25 mile run down to Ruby Mountain Campground. Let me tell you, reader, I slept like a log that night! What does that even mean? How exactly does a log sleep? Is there a difference between a sleeping log and one that is awake?
https://vimeo.com/132938726
The next morning, we hit up some more big water as we went through Brown’s Canyon, before deciding to leave the Arkansas valley. The run went well except for when I impaled myself with my selfie stick after blowing a kick flip in Seidel’s Suckhole! We were unsure where to head next, so we asked a few locals for some recommendations. They gave us some solid dick and sent us to Crested Butte, just on the other side of Cottonwood Pass. The Crested Butte area features lots of sweet runs with plenty of waterfalls and slides. Plus, there was plenty of water in that area so we had days of SIK drops coming our way! It’s like a club going up on a Tuesday, it doesn’t get any better than that! We awoke the next morning with visions of Oh Be Joyful Creek dancing in our heads. With a mile long series of slides and waterfalls, this creek will delight the heart of any steep creek aficionado. We met up with Jordan Poffenberger and Matt Anger and made a couple laps of the run before loading up for another classic of the area, Daisy Creek into the Slate River. Daisy’s claim to fame is Big Wood Falls, a waterfall of close to 20 feet into a shallow landing pool. There is a nice slide approach which gives speed so we all had nice boofs off the falls. I dropped off a little too far right and landed flat on the rock shelf sticking out from the bank. It probably didn’t look like much of a hit but it didn’t do p-turkey for my ribs! We continued down the Slate with more fun rapids, including a tight one called Wicked Wanda, before ending our trip at our camp.
We woke up the next morning and headed back to OBJ for some more laps and relaxed before another Daisy run. Long time friend Bryon Dorr finally showed up after some car trouble and he was joined by Justin Shaffer. Our main goal for this day was to wait until we had peak snowmelt in the evening and then head over to the East River to run Stupid Falls. Let me give you some solid dick, reader. You definitely want the max amount of flow if you are going to consider this drop. Stupid Falls is a 60 foot cascade over a series of shelves that threaten to do damage to your back, ribs, and spine as you go down the drop. Despite the risks, I must say that I take umbrage with the name of this falls. I will always disagree with giving such a distasteful name to such a beautiful waterfall. Even worse, to bring into question the intellect of the would-be challenger to this drop is unfair and narrow-minded. Plus, the name stems from a long time ago when boats were long and pointy and technique was not at the same level as it is today. There have been major advances in boat design in the last 25 years such as rocker and blunt noses on creek boats. There also have been advances in paddling technique such as the boof stroke. in a state that considers itself to be progressive, it is shocking that this name has stood for so long. It is time to be enlightened! And since I can’t count on anyone from Colorado to think of a suitable name, I am appointing myself to the job. The new name of the falls is Enlightenment Falls! For anyone who has experienced the thrill of a successful run would agree that it is a mind opening experience! It will throw you into a state of cognitive dissonance and alter your schema forever! It is time for change and it starts right here. There is no compromise, no middle ground, I’m drawing a line in the sand! You’re either with us or you’re against us! You’re either enlightened or you’re stupid!
After an in-depth scout, Robert, Jordan, and I decided that we were going to fire up Enlightenment Falls. I know, at this point you may pause in your reading, fearful of what will become of your kayaking hero. I know a part of you is sitting there saying, “Don’t do it Dogg! The risk is too high!” Well, the Dogg has made a career out of standing toe to toe with countless waterfalls and emerging victorious at the bottom! Worry not, fair reader, for as long as water cascades off of the mountainsides of the world, the Dogg will still be routing the stouts and THAT should ease your mind, like a bridge over troubled water. Huh? Who says stuff like that! I hopped in my boat, focused on the moves I needed to make, running the drop over and over in my head. I lined up with the curler up top to put me closer to the middle where the greatest flow was. I got my bow up off the top tier and then melted left through the second tier, emerging on a brace but stoked with my line. I celebrated as I drifted over the insignificant third tier and caught an eddy to watch Jordan and Robert. They both came down the falls right of center, skipping over the shelves cleanly all the way to the bottom, as graceful as you could possibly run it! The drop went way smoother than it looked and we left the falls enlightened to the joys of a descent! Robert broke out his I Pod when we got back to the vehicles and we celebrated our successful run with some dancing. After some sweet Whips and Nae Nae’s, we headed back to camp to get ready for our next adventure.
The next day, the cold that I had when I came to Colorado was starting to show symptoms of becoming pneumonia. Since there were stouts to run. I figured I’d tough it out for the next couple days and look for an Urgent Care when we left the Crested Butte area. Much like Michael Jordan scoring 38 points with the flu to lead the Bulls to victory in the 1997 NBA finals, the Dogg was gonna drop the gnar despite the pneumonia! No matter how sick I was, how tired, I felt an obligation to you the faithful fans to go out and give that extra effort. I found the energy to stay strong because I wanted the next stout really bad! We headed over Schofield Pass into the Crystal drainage to check out the Devil’s Punchbowl, a sweet double waterfall of 25 feet each. We made our way down a 4 wheel drive road until it avalanched out too much for us to drive. From here, it was a short hike to the Punchbowls, which were running at a stout flow on the evening snowmelt. The putin and takeout were problematic with nowhere great to slide in off the scree slope and a huge ice cave if you missed the last chance eddy below the drops. Plus, the top falls had a sizable hole at the bottom with recirculating eddies that would cycle you around like a ghost spirit trapped in a tetrahedron! It was horrendous looking, even Louis Braille could see that it was a bad idea to run it at this flow! We decided to wait until the next morning when the flow would be at its lowest point in the snowmelt cycle. Our consolation prize was a sweet double waterfall drop right by our campsite. The first drop was a clean 10 footer followed by a small but junky drop that fed to the lip of a 15 footer that needed to be run on the right to avoid ugly rocks on the left. We made a few laps of this drop with mostly good runs and a couple interesting run-ins with a pesky little rock on the small drop between the two falls. After paddling, most of us relaxed at the campsite, but Jordan was all fired up to go find a mythical 50 footer that was said to exist somewhere in the headwaters of the Crystal. He ran off and was gone for several hours. Eventually, we saw a flashlight making its way through the darkness toward us. Jordan returned with his eyes wider than Captain Ahab when he caught sight of the great whale for the first time! He claimed to have found the 50 footer, observing it from a distance as darkness was setting in. He wanted to go back the next day to contemplate a descent and we were all excited about the prospect of running another SIK drop!
We woke up early the next morning and headed back to the Punchbowls, pleased that the water was much lower. The flow was still pretty stout, but the putin and takeout were both much more manageable. Jordan went first and seal launched in, landing in the approach rapid. He ran a junky drop and then headed into the Punchbowls, acing the line. I went next, opting to use a putin on a sketchy rock slab. Matt held my boat as I got in and then I immediately peeled out into the flow. I went from 0 to 60 in about 1 second and was screaming toward the lip of the first punchbowl. I took a boof stroke at the lip and launched out over the hole. I headed right into the second falls and got another big boof off the kicker partway down. Oh yesh! It was SCHWEEEEEET!!! Robert and Matt followed with nice lines and Jordan fired it up a second time as well. We walked back to the car, stoked with our SIK runs of the Punchbowl, but also determined to go check out the mystery falls upstream. We drove up as high as the road went along the creek and then hiked up a half mile. Soon, we saw the creek gorge up and eyed a large falls cascading off the cliff. We climbed up the rocks excited about what we might see! Unfortunately, by this point, the creek was very tiny and didn’t have a lot of flow, so volume was not on our side. The approach to the falls was a steep slide with a couple trees pinned in it. Even if the trees weren’t there, the slide would likely give you more speed than you would want heading off a 40-50 foot drop. We debated seal launching in at the lip, which could have worked but the low volume would likely produce a hard hit at the bottom. I was in a glass case of emotion! I was excited we found the falls but disappointed that the logistics weren’t ideal for an attempt. It was still early afternoon and we didn’t feel like waiting for the snowmelt to kick in and give us extra flow so we headed back over the pass to OBJ for an evening lap. Now that we know where this falls is, we can try to time it better with the snow melt for the next time we’re in the area.
I took the next day off to go to Urgent Care to get meds for my pneumonia, but our next mission was to find and hopefully run the legendary Cinnamon Falls on the Lake Fork of the Gunnison. This drop falls 60 feet through a narrow notch and it was going to be a 4 wheel drive expedition just to get there. We drove over to Silverton and attempted to drive over Cinnamon Pass. We took the a rough road to the top of the pass but there was snow blocking our way. To top it off, I got the Pathfinder stuck and we needed the help of some people on 4 wheelers to get it out of the ditch. They also gave us the solid dick and told us where to go in Silverton to find the correct road over Cinnamon Pass. We decided that since it was getting late in the afternoon that we would go run South Mineral, and try to drive over the pass the next day on the correct road. South Mineral is a short run but has a fun 15-20 foot falls and a challenging drop called the Cauldron.
The next morning, we drove over the pass and headed into the small town of Sherman to check out Cinnamon Falls. We hiked up through the woods to the falls and were able to get a good view and a good sense of the dangers this drop presented. The falls had a lot more water going over it than the pictures from the first descent. The water shot out further, hitting a protruding rock shelf on the way down. It had a very weird boil at the bottom that suggested that there potentially could be some debris stuck in the landing. The worst part of the drop was the massive possibly inescapable cave that was formed behind the falls. This cave had been the sight of a fatality a few years earlier so we definitely were giving it due respect when making our decision. The sides of the bank were steep and made setting up proper safety an issue. The water flowed rapidly into another rapid, which, at this high flow, also looked extremely dangerous with its boiling pourover hole and sieve on the left. We decided that it was too dangerous at this flow with the inability to set proper safety so we opted to pass. This drop had eluded me on previous trips and would remain just out of reach still, like all of the colors in the visible spectrum that you just can’t see!
The next day, we ran the first gorge of Lime Creek at a low flow. To say that we stone ground the bases of our creek boats would be an understatement, but we were encouraged by the multiple tribs coming in. We figured that the run would pick up flow but it never got a whole lot better. Going down the creek at this level was kind of like putting a brick inside a washing machine and setting it on a spin cycle! The major attraction of this run is Adrenaline Falls, a 20 foot drop through a tight slot. It looked pretty ugly at this flow but Jordan, Robert, Matt, and I decided to run it anyway. There was a 5 foot ledge in the approach and then you had to line up between the rock walls to go over the falls. The bottom shelf looked like it could be problematic, but we all cruised over it easily. The run snaked through a tight canyon with several fun rapids, highlighted by a 10 foot sloping drop called the Dragon’s D***, I mean the Dragon’s Back. In the afternoon, the group split and Bryon, Bailey, Justin, and I went to run the third gorge of Lime into the Rockwood Box of the Animas. This was a super fun run with a great mix of awesome Class 4-5 creeking on Lime, and then big water on the Animas!
We got word that Vallecito Creek was going off like a broken metal detector on a man walking through an active mine field so we made plans to hit that run! Justin was intrigued after hearing it was the best mile of whitewater in Colorado and asked all of us questions about the run. Bryon was giving a good description about the committing canyon and challenging rapids until he got to the easiest rapid on the run, Fuzzy Little Bunny. He went into great detail of all the dangers of this rapid and mentioned that many people walk this rapid. I had to stop him right there and give everyone the solid dick about Fuzzy Little Bunny. That rapid is Class 2 at best, compared to the other rapids, and is a straight forward 10 footer. I was appalled that anyone would walk such an easy rapid in the middle of a challenging run like Vallecito! I told the group that walking was not an option. If I even thought that any of them were thinking about walking it, I was going to make them climb straight up out of the canyon with their boat with no rope assistance!
With the rules firmly established, we headed to Vallecito the next morning and found it running a healthy 2.2 on the gauge. We had a good guide in Matt, since he had skipped the Cinnamon Falls trip and had made several runs of the creek. You could tell this was his favorite creek in Colorado by the way his eyes twinkled, like the mustache of a man with a cold, every time the creek was mentioned. We made our way down to Entry Falls and hopped out to take a look. This drop is a 15 footer with boily hole at the bottom feeding into caves on the left and right. The key is to be far right and time a late boof stroke off the lip. However, the scout made it look to me that being in the middle would also be ok. I paddled hard through the approach to build momentum and lined up in the middle of the drop. I took a big boof stroke and landed flat but, since I was left of where I should have been, I dropped into the seam and did a big mystery move before resurfacing free of the drop on the left. My paddle blades were moving up and down faster than a fiddler’s elbow to get away from that boil! Everyone else aced the line and hit nice boofs off the falls. I won’t lie, I was a little nervous after that line so I hopped out to scout Trashcan, the next drop. I boofed over the junky rocks at the top and then launched off the corner of a boulder, which started to give me back some confidence. After a few more fun rapids, we were at Fuzzy Little Bunny. Jordan had accidentally knocked Robert’s paddle out of his hand in the eddy above and it went over the drop without him. In this situation, many paddlers would be nervous about not having a paddle. Luckily, since this drop is only Class 2, it was no big deal. Robert hand paddled off the drop and continued down to an eddy where Jordan and Matt had recovered his paddle. The rest of us bombed on down with nice boofs and Matt gave us a description of the next drop, Paddle B****. I ended up entering too far left and did a sweet smear on the left boulder but then got deflected across the creek, where an overhanging rock was waiting for me. I bounced off this rock and surfed a little hole at the bottom. Definitely not my finest moment! A heavy drop and two awesome 8 foot boofs carried us out of the canyon. What a great run! Although short, it really throws a lot of cool drops at you.
We headed back east to Wolf Creek Pass so we could take a look at God Help Me, a huge double waterfall of 70 feet followed by 35 feet. Unfortunately, it was too low and the snow pack appeared to have run out in this area. Oh well, gotta save some goods to come back another time for! We headed back to the Arkansas Valley for a couple runs down Clear Creek and then Pine Creek into the Numbers. We finished the trip with a hike to the top of Mount Elbert, Colorado’s highest peak at 14,433 feet! The next day, we left the beautiful state of Colorado and headed back east full of awesome stories and memories from one of the greatest road trips of my life. I couldn’t have asked for a better group of friends to travel around the state with. We chased many stouts, aced several and walked away from a few. I can’t wait to go back and, this time, it won’t be 9 years before I see the Rockies again!
